


Always Here

by Dustydexx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Just lots of Angst, M/M, Set at the near end of Season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 14:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dustydexx/pseuds/Dustydexx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean are scared. They always are. Obviously, they don’t show it to anyone, barely even show it to each other. But Sam can’t take holding in his fear anymore, and it all comes out one night. Dean has always been there for Sam, he wasn’t going to stop now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Here

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural or it's characters.
> 
> I do, however, own this fanfiction. So all rights reserved to Tennex.

At first, Dean thought he was having some sort of dream, nightmare, whatever. It wouldn’t have been too different from a nightmare Dean had before, actually. The nightmare had been this, simple to anyone but one of the top five most terrifyingly things Dean could ever think of experiencing, ever. 

Dean would awake to a major thunder and lightening storm, rain pounding down on the hotel room him and Sam were in. But he couldn’t hear the weather outside, all he could here were Sam’s frightened sobs. The sobs themselves probably weren’t the most terrifying things to Dean, no matter how petrified they sounded or how they were as sharp as broken glass shards, it was Dean himself.

He couldn’t move. It wasn’t by will, but it wasn’t due to anything supernatural. It was just, he couldn’t move, like a nightmare where you’re witnessing something horrible, but can’t move. And it went on like that, for what felt like hours. Listening to his little brother’s cries, cries that made Dean’s heart twist and break, just by the sheer fear and emotion in them. It’s as if everyone, everywhere, who ever lost someone they truly loved, and mourned about it, or whoever cried in /true/ fear, was mixing all into Sammy’s cries.

It was perhaps the worst torture Dean had ever had, hearing his little brother cry and still not be able to even turn and whisper, “Sammy.”

The only difference now was that, there was no storm and Dean could move. Dean awoke at 2:34 am, as the clock so rudely blared with a bright red light, to Sam’s cries. It sounded just like they did in Dean’s nightmare, sharp and as broken as glass shards. Immediately, after the third shaking breath, Dean knew it wasn’t a dream. He slowly turned and saw in the pale moonlight, the  shaking body of his little brother in the bed separated by a five foot space. 

Dean’s heart started to break, hearing the sobs of his little brother. He wasted no time in climbing out of bed and moving into Sammy’s. Sammy stopped crying instantly, but was still shaking, as if Dean wouldn’t notice and would just go back to his bed. But Dean wouldn’t take that crap, especially not with Sam. “Sammy, what’s wrong?” Dean could hear Sam cough and sniffle, then saw him shake his head. “N-nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” 

Dean shook his head and narrowed his eyes, even though Same couldn’t see it with his eyes, he could hear the gestures in Dean’s words with his ears. “No, Sam. Of course not. Because crying hard enough to shake the damn bed in the middle of the night is fine.” Dean’s voice was hard and clearly radiated the “I’m not playing around” vibe. Dean watched as Sam turned around to face Dean, and the sight alone nearly sent Dean into tears.

Dean could spend hours trying to think of how to define the look in Sam’s eyes. But there were no words, not in English, Enochian or Latin. Not in any language. The closest Dean could think to describe would be pure and total devastation, misery, hopelessness. Dean took deep steady breaths, trying to hold back tears. “Sammy-” Dean’s voice was unstable, like a tower being beaten and assaulted by an unrelenting storm. 

"What’s wrong?" The words were almost a plea to Sam, a beg to let Dean help. Sam sniffled, trying to regain a steady voice, which was near impossible. "I…I’m…I’m scared." Even Dean could tell Sam wasn’t just scared, but could tell it was important if it was enough to make Sam, of all men, cry in his bed. "What’s scaring you, Sammy?" Dean moved a bit closer and resisted the urge to sigh when Sam didn’t reply. 

Dean was surprised however, when Sam was suddenly hugging him and sobbing into his shoulder. “Hey, hey, shhh, shh. What is it, Sammy?” Dean was in full on big brother mode, holding Sam tightly to his chest and rocking back back and fourth, rubbing his back like he used to do when Sam would wake up crying from a nightmare. Something told Dean that this, right here, wasn’t as simple as a nightmare.

"I can’t lose you." The words were choked out inbetween his sobs and chest heavies. Dean closed his eyes, suddenly understanding. He only had a week left before he was due downstairs. "Sammy. You’re not going to lose me." Sam shook his head, burying his face into the crook of Dean’s neck. "I’ve already lost Jess, and Dad. I can’t lose you, Dean." Sam’s hands were clutching the fabric of Dean’s shirt as tight as humanly possible, as if he could keep Dean there by simply holding on tight.

Before Dean could say anything, Sam was sobbing uncontrollably, breathing laboured inbetween his sobs. Suddenly, Sam spoke, and those three words would forever change Dean.

"I love you." 

Dean didn’t really think anything of it, thinking he meant it as a y’know, brother thing. He was so so wrong. “Shh, Sammy. It’s ok, I know. I love you too.” He could feel Sam shake his head and a questioning expression washed over his features. “Not like that, Dean.” 

Dean froze.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh no, Sammy.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, blocking any tears that were about to fall and hugged Sam closer, resting his chin on Sam’s head, rocking him back and fourth. “No, Sammy, no. Don’t love me. Don’t love me, Sammy. I’m not what you deserve, I’m not- Please-” Dean started to cry and hiccup with his words. “I can’t help it…” Sam’s voice was soft and broken and Dean resisted the urge to pull Sam down onto the bed and hold him until he cried himself to sleep.

"I know, I know. God, I love you too, Sam. But I can’t do this to you- can’t stop you from having a life-" "I have no life without you."  
The words hit Dean so hard that he physically lost breath for a few seconds. “Sam….” “When you…when….I don’t know what I’m going to do…” Dean smiled sadly and raised one hand, resting it on Sam’s face, moving to look his brother in the eyes. “I’ll tell you what, look for a way to get me out, ok? You know you can’t get rid of me this easily. If you and I say I ain’t goin’ to Hell, I ain’t goin’ to Hell.” Sam smiled as well, nodding and wiping away his tears. 

"Now come’ere." Dean moved under the covers and gestures Sam over. Sam, trying to regain some sense of normalcy and control, raised an eyebrow. "Cuddling, Dean? Really?" Deab chuckled softly, coughing slightly from his tears.Both brothers said nothing else as Sam moved onto Dean’s chest and layed down, Dean’s warm embrace protecting him, comforting him, holding him. They both layed there in the bed, taking deep steady breathes, trying to reach a sense of peace again.

"….Dean-" Dean opened his eyes and shook his head, looking at Sam with soft emerald eyes. "Shh, Sammy. Shh." Sam nodded after a few moments, laying his head back down and letting his eyes droop again. 

Dean didn’t sleep, couldn’t sleep. He was in what he dubbed his “protective Sammy” mode. Because that’s all he could think about, protecting Sammy. And it hurt to know that what he was doing, going to Hell, wasn’t protecting him.

Dean knew it was wrong to lie. But what else could he do? “Sorry, Sammy. But I’m going to Hell and that’s that?” Dean could be cold, but he wasn’t THAT cold. He was going to Hell, and Dean knew no one could stop it.

The thought made Dean hug his now sleeping brother closer, tears beginning to fall from his eyes once more. “I’m so sorry, Sammy. I’m so sorry.” Dean repeated the whispered words over and over again, like a mantra, kissing Sammy’s head after he was done.

Dean had always been there for Sam. And he didn’t want to stop now.

But it just wasn’t up to him anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in the works for literally months now. So I finally slapped the ending onto it and posted it. Even though it's so super depressing.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this!  
> Lots of love,  
> Tennex <3


End file.
